I CAN'T be who you want me to be,
because I CAN'T even be who I want to be.
You know how I know?
Because that is how I lived my life
before I met JESUS,
and actually after I met JESUS,
because there are times when I am striving to be
the PERFECT CHRISTIAN.
I give myself way too much POWER.
The POWER to think that I can follow every verse in the bible
at all times
in all times.
And when I CAN'T
then I will try harder,
yet I am just a messed up little girl
who fails and fails and fails.
Who is a PERFECT CHRISTIAN?
Umm...
Oh not me.
And I am finished striving to be one.
I CAN'T make someone love me
and I CAN'T make someone unlove me.
I don't have the POWER.
I am just a little girl in an old woman's body
whose heart is in disrepair,
yet is covered with scars that have filled so many wounds
with HIS PERFECT SCARS
that enables me to stop striving
&
to stop trying to do what only
GOD CAN do
&
HIS SON CAN do
&
HIS HOLY SPIRIT CAN do.
And when I am hard myself, those times I fall short of my own expectations,
SHAME on me
because I am HIS and HE is MINE
and HE is MY PERFECTION
that covers every imperfection
that I don't like.
I CAN'T change me. I CAN'T change you~
and
that is why I am a CHRISTIAN.
I have to follow the ONE who sees me as HIS OWN
and sees every stinky part of me
and knows that I can't follow every bible verse PERFECTLY,
because if I could
I would be PERFECT IN ME.
Oh sweet SURRENDER.
To look into the mirror of your soul
and to just start laughing at how messy we are,
yet then just cry tears of joy
because
who am I that the LORD of LORDS
would call me by name
and receive me into HIS KINGDOM
when I have done nothing to deserve HIS PERFECT LOVE.
Oh my friend, I am being brutally honest,
because I have to be,
and also because we have a GOD who loves when our honest selves
connect with HIS HEART.
For that is when
HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVES
comes flowing from above,
that's undeserved,
yet given away
because that is the sweet aroma of GRACE~
a Gift given to be RECEIVED by
the worse of the worse
because the GOD WHO MATTERS SAYS YOU MATTER
AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
So does that mean that I will give up trying to follow every verse in the BIBLE?
Oh yes, because I CAN'T do GOD'S job.
So instead I follow JESUS and respond to the HOLY SPIRIT inside
so that I will desire what HE desires for me
and will absorb every part of HIS WORD
that leads me to green pastures.
For I am a DAUGHTER OF THE KING
who "CAN do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).
Oh the pressure of striving has dissipated
because
you CAN'T live life
without
JESUS
because
JESUS isn't OPTIONAL
Because only IN HIM
we are
"FREE AMEN" (listen to the song below)