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  • Writer's pictureJoni

Day 26: I Can't


I CAN'T be who you want me to be,

because I CAN'T even be who I want to be.

You know how I know?

Because that is how I lived my life

before I met JESUS,

and actually after I met JESUS,

because there are times when I am striving to be

the PERFECT CHRISTIAN.

I give myself way too much POWER.

The POWER to think that I can follow every verse in the bible

at all times

in all times.

And when I CAN'T

then I will try harder,

yet I am just a messed up little girl

who fails and fails and fails.

Who is a PERFECT CHRISTIAN?

Umm...

Oh not me.

And I am finished striving to be one.

I CAN'T make someone love me

and I CAN'T make someone unlove me.

I don't have the POWER.

I am just a little girl in an old woman's body

whose heart is in disrepair,

yet is covered with scars that have filled so many wounds

with HIS PERFECT SCARS

that enables me to stop striving

&

to stop trying to do what only

GOD CAN do

&

HIS SON CAN do

&

HIS HOLY SPIRIT CAN do.

And when I am hard myself, those times I fall short of my own expectations,

SHAME on me

because I am HIS and HE is MINE

and HE is MY PERFECTION

that covers every imperfection

that I don't like.

I CAN'T change me. I CAN'T change you~

and

that is why I am a CHRISTIAN.

I have to follow the ONE who sees me as HIS OWN

and sees every stinky part of me

and knows that I can't follow every bible verse PERFECTLY,

because if I could

I would be PERFECT IN ME.

Oh sweet SURRENDER.

To look into the mirror of your soul

and to just start laughing at how messy we are,

yet then just cry tears of joy

because

who am I that the LORD of LORDS

would call me by name

and receive me into HIS KINGDOM

when I have done nothing to deserve HIS PERFECT LOVE.

Oh my friend, I am being brutally honest,

because I have to be,

and also because we have a GOD who loves when our honest selves

connect with HIS HEART.

For that is when

HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVES

comes flowing from above,

that's undeserved,

yet given away

because that is the sweet aroma of GRACE~

a Gift given to be RECEIVED by

the worse of the worse

because the GOD WHO MATTERS SAYS YOU MATTER

AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

So does that mean that I will give up trying to follow every verse in the BIBLE?

Oh yes, because I CAN'T do GOD'S job.

So instead I follow JESUS and respond to the HOLY SPIRIT inside

so that I will desire what HE desires for me

and will absorb every part of HIS WORD

that leads me to green pastures.

For I am a DAUGHTER OF THE KING

who "CAN do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

Oh the pressure of striving has dissipated

because

you CAN'T live life

without

JESUS

because

JESUS isn't OPTIONAL

Because only IN HIM

we are

"FREE AMEN" (listen to the song below)


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