As I am preparing my testimony to share this weekend,
it seems silly that I have to prepare anything
because I know my story,
so why do I have to go back
to the time when I didn't know JESUS~
as that was a time I didn't know the me
who GOD created me to be.
It saddens me still
that I didn't really know GOD when I actually thought that I did know HIM.
I would visit HIM at church on Sundays
and I would stare at JESUS on the cross
and listen to the words
and then take communion
and leave
and go about my day
and my week
and I would be the same
and do it again the next week.
Why didn't I really know GOD?
I was afraid of GOD
because HE was watching me.
Yikes!
If HE can see all that I am doing
and HE IS GOD
I better not let HIM see what I am doing
because
HE is PERFECTLY GOOD.
And if HE knew me
HE would know that I am not PERFECTLY GOOD,
so what if I tried to be PERFECT
then maybe I wouldn't be afraid of GOD
and maybe not only GOD would see me as GOOD
but so would everyone else.
But that backfired because
PERFECTIONISM is a mirage
no matter how hard you strive to touch it
because you will always fall short
and you can never ever
meet the demands of PERFECTIONISM
that you put on yourself and that others may put on you.
So as I travel back to my church days
FEARFUL of a GOD who would judge me
because others judged me too,
and I think what if they only knew me.
They would know that I was just a little girl
who wanted to be LOVED
just like every one one of us.
Well
PERFECTIONISM got me there,
but not my PERFECTIONISM
but my SAVIOR JESUS
who is the PERFECT sacrifice
that was necessary to wear our imperfections
because why would a GOD
who perfectly knitted each one of us in our mother's womb as
"fearfully & wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14)
create something that HE doesn't want to be be born?
Thank YOU GOD
for knowing me so well
that you are watching me
and when YOU see me
YOU see PERFECTION
because your SON covers me
and now I know why I have to go back to those days
I didn't really know YOU or YOUR SON
because
I now know
that I am
"fearfully & wonderfully made"
and because of JESUS
I will never forget
and may you never forget
that you are
&
"I AM LOVED" (listen to the song below)